


A spoonful of sugar

by Deandeanmoose



Series: written in the stars or in the sand? [1]
Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Broken Engagement, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Major Character Injury, Miscarriage, My dog is my child, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-01-29 22:34:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12640665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deandeanmoose/pseuds/Deandeanmoose
Summary: Sonny is forced to work with his ex-fiance during a mission.





	1. Old flame

It was a hot day in Virginia as the team was called in for a simple operation. The team would be going into enemy territory with one trained civilian. The six sat in the room looking at Blackburn and Ellis as they went over the basics. Yet most thoughts were still on the last time these six worked together.

Clay and Jason still weren't good and it was no surprise you could feel the tension in the room, but they need six seals... Clay had to be the sixth. They wanted six seals to send a civilian into a war zone, or was required to have six for the escort. Blackburn stood at the front to address the op, slowly going through the information.

"Listen up, our mission is to extract three prisoners from a jail behind enemy lines. These three are civilians that were captured from a church mission group. From the information we found, one is severely injured and requires immediately attention. We are to extract them and bring them to the nearest base for treatment before flying them home."

"Three civilians in a jail behind enemies lines. There are plenty of prisoners that need help, why them?" Perry asked.

"One is the daughter of a senator." Ellis quickly addressed, "so failure isn't a option."

"Why are we taking a civilian in to extract three?" Clay looked at Blackburn.

"Military trained civilian with extensive knowledge of the prison. She will assist in guilding you through and removing." 

"Brilliant idea from the good idea fairies." Sonny mumbled.

Blackburn looked around the room, "any more questions?"

The room was silent so he continued, "Ok. Your guest civilian is one Saxon Reigns..." He clicked to put a picture of the woman in military dress, "... She is trained and professional."

Two men looked at each other, Jason and Ray checking on sonny as they both recognized the woman on screen. The meeting was concluded and they were sent out for the prep as they waited on the civilian to arrive. When he had the chance, Jason pulled sonny aside.

* * *

_**Jason** _

* * *

 "Hey Sonny, you good."

"Yeah, peachy." He leaned back against the wall.

"Come on man, it's me. I know what happened." I pushed and sighed, "sonny, can you do this op."

"I'm fine. Let's just get this op done." 

"Sonny,  I need a clear answer." I stopped him from walking away, "will your ex-fiance effect your work. Once we get out there we can't remove anyone. We can't call it o..."

"I'm good. She'll be good. Let's save these kids." He walked by and called Cerberus to him before walking up on the plane.

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

It had only been a few minutes past my given time when i got on base and walked to the plane preparing to leave. I was only a few steps away from the open back when the small group of people looked over and I recognized some of them.

"Sax, good to see you again." Jason pulled me into a hug.

"You too Jay," I pulled back, "how's the wife and kids?"

 "Good... Complicated you know." He smiled, "how's your life going?"

"Complicated." I smiled, "sorry to hear about Nate. How's Molly and Landon doing?"

"They're getting through it." He jerked his head to the side lightly, "I need to ask you something privately real quick...."

"Don't worry about it Jay, I'm not going to let anything that happened with sonny effect my work." I smiled, "You can trust me."

He nodded and lead me back to the group, "Sax this is Lisa Davis, Mandy Ellis, Clay Spencer, and you know Ray and Blackburn. Everybody this is Saxon Reigns."

"Hey girl." Ray gave me a hug as I replied, "good to see you again dude."

"Blackbum, good to see you again." I smiled as he chuckled.

"I'm a lieutenant Commander."

"Sorry, lieutenant Commander blackbum." I smiled as he shook his head.

"I knew it was coming, still good to have you back." He patted my back and I heard a bark.

I smiled and whistled in a high pitch. Next thing I know a German Shepherd was running over to me. He sat in front of me as I dropped down on my knees to pet him better.

"Hey boy, aren't you just cute."

He took all the attention he could get and almost had a smile on his face as most the group sat surprised. It was only a minute later sonny was walking down with Two guys to get Cerberus ready for the flight. He stopped a couple feet away as I seen Jason and Blackburn push the group in to give us a moment. 

"Hey sax."

"Hi sonny." I stood up slowly.

"Your looking good, New York must be agreeing with you." He smiled faintly.

"Actually, I'm local. That job didn't even last a week because the boss was a perverted dick." I chuckled softly with him, "I moved back recently, that big city wasn't for this girl."

"Sorry to hear that." He nodded softly and fixed his ball cap, "we should board now. I have to get Cerberus strapped in."

"Cerberus. Did you name him? Please tell me you didn't." She smirked.

"No... I wanted to name him sparky." He ordered Cerberus into the hold before calling back as he walked in, "like you wouldn't either."

I nodded and followed him up the ramp,  _ **This is going to be a regret... I can just tell.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to write a story about Sonny. Please comment and leave feedback on if I should continue this story or leave it.  
> Thank you!
> 
> Sidenote, still working on the characters and how to write them. Sorry if they are a little off or different from the show.


	2. Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flight over to the base

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

The plane had taken off and everyone was in place. With only three hammocks up, it was clear where everyone would be. I sat on the edge of the strap section, Jace smiled and walked over.

"Is it weird being in the straps again."

"Reminds me of the time I use to kick your ass all the time Hayes." I smirked and pulled the straps, "I'm good at sleeping sitting up anyways."

"She is, always took all the bed then never used it." Sonny mumbled as he got in his hammock.

"Is that why you got a dog?" I leaned back and strapped in.

It went quiet after a little more chatting and I leaned back and shut my eyes. I was focusing on the mission. A in and out, a quick jot through the prison to grab the prisoners and then bring them to safety. Then everything went south, my mind started flashing back to the last op. To my time in that prison. To my body bruised and beaten, to the names I was called... To what they did. I rested a hand on my stomach and blinked away a tear quickly.  _ **You can't let them see weakness. Most of them don't know you here, don't let them get cocky.**_ A strong breath in and then I nodded,  ** _breath. You got this._**  I had blocked out all the noise and didn't hear when someone asked me something. I felt a elbow in my side and jolted up to see everyone staring. 

"Sorry, what was that?"

"I asked what military training you have?" The kid was watching me from the other side.

"Seal."

"You were a seal?"

 _ **Now this kid is cocky,**_ "yeah. Tier 1. Never any doubt."

"So what happened? Why aren't you running around with the rest of us still?" Spencer watched as a few heads dipped.

Hayes, Perry and Blackburn was looking at the floor after hearing those words. I was looking down as well, wondering if Sonny was. Everyone else looked over confused and I had to say something.

"Op went bad, my team was gunned down except me. I was grabbed and taken to the prison we are hitting. It had been about a week before a op was put through and they rescued me." I closed my eyes, "that's why they called me as the strap, I know every inch of that hell hole."

"Why didn't they kill you?" He asked and it went silent before the biggest surprise so far came.

"Because she was the only girl on her team. Now shut the fuck up Spencer." 

Everyone looked over at the only hammock that was full, Sonny quickly shut down anymore questions on the matter. But that wouldn't leave everyone who didn't know the story from before from wondering... But it did change the conversation topic as my body gave a small ache and I tipped my head back.

* * *

_**Jason** _

* * *

After almost everyone was out, ray nudged me and motioned up plane. I followed him over, and looked at him.

"Yes Ray?"

"Are we sure this is a good idea? I wasn't there for the op that done Sax in but, I got some details." He looked at me, "do you think Sonny can handle it?"

"Not really, anger issues don't give me a good vibe." I shrugged, "but you know how good sax was. She isn't going to screw this up."

Ray sat back down and Blackburn walked over, "Hayes..."

"I already asked. They say they are good." I looked at him, "it feels like a lie but I can't force it without it getting worse."

"Sax adjusting good?" 

"I would be having flash backs if I went through what she did, but I'm not seeing a serious concern or reason to pull her."

"Ok, keep a eye on Quinn then. He is self destructive and quick to fight." 

I nod and we take our seats, I get in my hammock by Sonny's and as everyone else was sleeping I heard a soft voice.

"Jason."

"Yeah Sonny." I looked over at him.

"This mission. You sure it's in and out. No side missions or anything that could complicate things?" 

"Unless it happens on the spot, no. No complications." I sighed, "why?"

"I don't want sax to be in there too long. PTSD." He looked at his dog then back up, "don't tell her."

"Ok." I looked at sax and made sure she was asleep.

_**The only complications is you two.**_

* * *

  ** _Saxon_**

* * *

_Flashback_

_I was sitting alone at a mess hall table. It was the first day of selection process and I wasn't really looking to make many friends. I was the only girl in selection and the guys were quick to knock me down. So as I sat alone, I was a little surprised when a second person sat down Infront of me and my breakfast with bitter coffee._

_"Here, this'll help." The man dumped something from a spoon into my coffee and stirred it._

_"What is it?"_

_"Sugar." He smirked, "it's this rock like white substance that is really sweet. Makes bitter stuff less bitter."_

_"Oh, sugar. Yeah great stuff." I raised my brow, "so do you make it a habit to dump sugar in other people's coffee Mr...."_

_"Quinn. Call me sonny though. Green team and no. But I seen the face you made from across the room and thought I could help." He pulled the spoon out, "so are you a tech? Translater.... What brings you to the base?"_

_"Reigns, but you can call me Saxon. Green team as well." I smiled as he shifted a little surprised to hear that, "and thanks for the spoonful of sugar Mary Poppins."_

_He slowly got up and was about to walk away when I added, "hope to see you around sonny."_

_He left and walked back to a full table of men without a second thought. I sipped the coffee and smiled, **Maybe this isn't too bad... Not every guy is going to be a complete dick to me, teammate or not.**_

A jolt sent my head forward and back. I rubbed it softly as I seen everyone else kinda going in and out of sleep. The turbulence wasn't expected but mostly everyone adjusted. I leaned back and tried to sleep again. The dream of how we met was surprisingly good compared to what I usually get.... I didn't want it to end.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

_Flashback_

_It was the morning of my birthday, we were woken up by the phones calling us in. I threw on clothes as Sax barely rolled out of bed. I threw a shirt at her and she grumbled and got dressed as we ran out to get to the debriefing. We we're almost to the door as I watched her pull her hair back._

_"What's with that look?"_

_"It's too damn early. I was sleeping good for once." She mumbled and opened the door for me to walk through._

_"Well cheer up princess, I'm the one working on my birthday." I lead down the hall to the meeting room._

_"Oh yeah, sorry. I forgot you had big plans for your birthday. What were they? A strip club and sex with your girlfriend." She rolled her eyes._

_I stopped and looked at her, "nothing wrong with that. You are the best part of the day though."_

_"Shut up. I'll pay for the fucking strip club if you stop whining." She opened the door and we walked in to find jason, "Jace, where's everyone at?"_

_"Getting ready to board. Took you two long enough to get here." He smirked, "early birthday gift?"_

_"In his dreams." She walked past and towards the plane with the two men in tow._

_"How cute, she's already annoyed. Happy birthday Sonny." He slapped my back and I smiled, my hand in my pocket._

_We got out to the hanger and as we started up the ramp, there was nothing there and she turned around, "ok what's up?"_

_"Well, we have a little surprise." His wife and kids came up with the rest of the crew and they all said happy birthday sonny._

_She thought that was it and before we got much farther I pulled her over to the edge of the ramp, "hey Sax, I need to ask you something."_

_She looked at me laughing as she was pulled away from her chat with Alana. She didn't know what this really was, and I knew she wouldn't of came if they called it a surprise party for me either. That's why I wanted to do it like this, a complete surprise._

_"Yeah?" She looked at me._

_"Saxon, would you marry me?" I watched her shocked look as everyone looked over waiting for the answer._

_She watched me pull out the small box. It was dead silent and before I knew it she, got me back._

_"No. Not till you do it right." She pointed down._

_"Really? It's my birthday and I have to get on my knees?" She rolled her eyes and i dropped down on a knee as I opened the box._

_"Saxon Reigns, will you just marry me already?" I asked and she tipped her head back and forth._

_"I mean it is your birthday so, yes." She kissed me, "but it counts as your birthday present."_

_"Seriously?"_

_"Take the lost dude." Ray called as everyone  laughed._

_I slipped the ring on her finger and lifted her up the moment I got on my feet. She hit my back and laughed as I sat her down at the straps. One final kiss, before we were dragged into the party again. The best birthday of my life right there, and the last good one since._

I was jarred awake, a little turbulence and I wasn't making it back under. Mind racing, I was screwed for the moment but I pulled out the photo I kept in the front pocket of my duffel. Silently I stared at the photos of me and sax. One of the beginning of green team training after we had first met. I convinced her to go to the bar with me, a beer in hand as we both bullshitted about our previous tours. The second one was of the team after we got engaged, me and Saxon in the middle as the guys tucked in around us. I ran a finger over the worn out edges, these two photos always made me remember why I did this. Even after sax left, I still did it for her... I just didn't know it.


	3. Down day

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

After arriving at base camp, the command was given to hold the mission. As Blackburn and Ellis fought to get the mission put back on, the rest of us were waiting around. We all sat around on the ramp of the plane, our cargo still on pallet and trying to figure something out to pass time. I sat with Cerberus as Sax walked off with Jason to check on how it was going getting the mission back on. I noticed Ray and Davis walked off and I just sat alone. 

_Flashback_

_First op after I proposed to saxon, in the mountains. A small valley village was the cover for arms storage. The Taliban was hiding the weapons with the villagers knowing we couldn't attack. It was a simple recon, get the photos of the weapons and evidence if possible of the villagers covering it up. We were camping out over night, hillside and pine tree coverage. Jason set us in groups of two, one to watch for evidence and one to keep a eye out around us in case of Taliban. Him and ray, Nate and our new guy, and lastly me and sax. She took the night shift, watching by scope and camera to catch what we needed. I was stuck looking around and leaning against a tree as my fiancee laid in front of me and I couldn't touch her._

_"You know, I never see you lay out like that." I whispered._

_"Maybe that's because I know what you would do if I did." She pushed her butt up as she shifted to a better position with her rifle._

_"Damn straight." I smirked, "how could I not."_

_She rolled her eyes, she always does when I make jokes like that. I did a small scan and found nothing so I decided to mess with her. I kicked her foot and smiled._

_"Sorry, it slipped."_

_"Sure it did." She started to focus again, and again I bumped her foot._

_"Sorry, this terrain is just slippery."_

_She shifted the rifle again, "sonny, when we get home.... I am going to show you why men should be scared of women in the kitchen."_

_A small chuckle sounded from just behind us, "carefully sonny, I know how expensive marriage counseling is... And sax would probably just murder you."_

_"Thanks for the notice Nate." I waved it off._

_Only a short ten minutes later, we switched with Nate and the new guy. I moved up hill a little and found a good tree to lean against. Sax slipped up beside me and rested her head on my lap. No words, no small punch or jab, she curled up with her gun o_ _n her chest and a small sigh._

_"Sonny, would you actually sleep for once."_

_"Not tired." I watched her take off her helmet and I had a hand down immediately running fingers through her tied back hair._

_"Whatever, at least it isn't the desert. The heat would kill me." She closed her eyes and started to drift off._

_"Losing you would kill me." I whispered softly as I leaned back, sleep wouldn't come but I would be fine with that... I had sax._

"Good old Trashcanistan." I looked off towards the desert then just leaned back as the kid came over.

"Trashcanistan? That's a new one." He sat down.

"No offense kid, I'm not in a chatting mood." I shot daggers his way and he quickly got up and moved on.

* * *

_**Ray** _

* * *

Me and Davis were walking to the mess tent, she was making sure we got a meal. Or at least I thought that till she started a conversation.

"Hey Ray, what's with Sonny and Saxon?'

I stopped and looked at her, "no."

"No?"

"No. Not my business, not starting gossip." I started to walk again as she rolled her eyes.

"Ok, you know her then? I seen Hayes did too."

"Fine, Saxon use to be on the team. She was high in her class and being a girl she was passed on till Jason took her. She was good." I looked over as she kept going.

"Why isn't she still? This team could use some girl power."

"Medical discharge." 

"What happened?" She walked through the door I opened for her.

"That's all I'm saying." I cut the conversation there, I wasn't looking to make this situation worse.

* * *

_**Jason** _

* * *

We were just on our way back to the plane, they didn't want to scrap the mission so we still had a chance. Blackburn told us to go eat and wait for orders, standing in there wasn't helping. we ran into clay heading towards the mess tent almost back.

"Whoa kid, where are you going?" I stopped him.

"Mess tent. Food. Perry and Davis are already there." 

"Quinn?" I watched him motion back.

"Plane."

Sax smiled and tapped my shoulder, "I'll go with the kid. You drag sonny to the slop pin." 

I nod and watched them walk away before continuing on. I seen him laying on the ramp with the dog and almost understood every country song about a guy and his dog. Sonny was definitely using Cerberus to make up for losing Saxon... If only he would see that.

 "Sonny, hungry?"

"Sure." He got up slowly, "what slop do we get?"

"Don't know till we get there." He shrugged and walked with me, "got a question for you."

"I told you, I'm fine with sax being here."

"Not what I was gonna ask. Are you going to talk to her?" I seen him tip his head away.

"About what?"

"Her leaving. Niether of you got closure and you always said you wanted to give her a piece of your mind." I paused, "You need to talk to her sonny. You can get through to her, she'll be home tomorrow with you."

"No need." He looked away at the gate, changing of the guards.

"No, there is a need. You two need to talk." I seen him nod.

 "Fine, later." 

"Before the mission."

"Fine," he looked over, "thanks Dad."

I rolled my eyes and let him go ahead in the tent, ** _Just trying to get you a chance. I know you want her back._**

* * *

_**Clay** _

* * *

We were almost to the tent, I took the chance to talk to Saxon. I wanted to know more about her, about why everyone was so easy on her. 

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot kid." She looked over.

"What happened? I mean you use to be a seal but you gave it up."

"Kinda had to. As I said on the plane, op went bad. I was a prisoner for a week before they pulled me out." She cleared her throat, "I had a lot of injuries and required surgery. They almost didn't give me a choice, Honorable discharge due to medical."

"So this use to be your team?"

"Yeah, i met the guys during green team. The five of us were tight... I never would've made it through training if it weren't for my brothers." She smirked, "what about you kid, how's your training?"

"I'm not really good at making friends." I chuckled.

"Niether was I... And have you met sonny? Seriously." She let out a small laugh, "you don't need friends, you need brothers. Show these guys you would die for them, they will accept you. There's a reason it's called the brotherhood."

"So I've heard." I sighed, "do you mind me asking what Happened on the op?"

"We we're trying to bring in a high value target alive. Heavy security and when we got there, it became clear we needed a sniper hit to allow a easy entry to stop him from running. But of course, you would be with the trained natives as your only back up." She nodded softly, "green beret trained doesn't mean they had green beret training. It was risky, we all knew it. But I was the best shot from that distance aside from Jason and he needed to lead on the ground. I went up and got them in only to get hit with a surprise attack. They couldn't handle it, shot down way to quick. I was grabbed and taken away quickly."

"They didn't even know." I whispered to her slow nod.

"No they didn't. They completed the mission and found the team murdered and without my body, they had to assume I was captured."

I looked over hesitantly, I knew this question would be very personal. **_She probably wouldn't tell But could it hurt to ask?_** I took a breath.

"I know this might be a push but, what happened? You know when you were captured."

I watched her pause then sigh, "do I really need to say it?"

I shook my head no and she continued, "but there was a small complication. I was pregnant at the time... Not when they rescued me though."

I closed my eyes and suddenly felt bad for asking. She must've seen because she quickly added.

"We had known about two weeks. Estimating we were at six or seven weeks. I was on basic duty, mainly helping from base but before I could go on leave we got this mission. As I said, I was best shot and I wouldn't be going into direct force by playing sniper." She stopped and faced me, "no one expected it, no one could've fixed it.... It was just bad timing. And I swear to God if you start apologizing or going easy on me I will beat your ass."

She walked in the mess tent and it took a moment before I followed. That was one thing I never expected to hear and as I thought it through, she kept saying we. I was afraid to ask but I had to ask someone.  ** _Was Reigns and Quinn a thing?_** Deciding it was best not to touch that subject, I figured I'd ask someone as we ate. You know, if they weren't at the table. I seen a table started full of the crew, sax not included. She had a small tray of food, sitting at a far table facing towards the rest of the room. I decided to sit with the crew.

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

It had became my instinct, to sit were I could see everything around me. I know I was making myself stand out but I also knew I would feel safer...  _ **Safer? You feel safe being near your 'brothers', or former brothers. i doubt they wouldn't take me back after everything with sonny. Though, it was a betrayal... That is a instant lost of trust.**_ I shook my head softly and ate. The table filling up across the way reminding me of green team, a table by myself. Not that I would want the company, not that I really wanted to be here anymore... My mind wants to remind me of the bad. Only the bad... Only the torture.

_Flashback_

_I was holding my side, chain around my ankle as I sat on the dirt floor in the corner. I couldn't feel a thing, except my throbbing belly. My eyes were glazed over, blood soaking into the dirt around me, my legs sore. I managed a tear, somehow my body wasn't completely dry. It was met with a kick to my side, and a laugh. A knife by my throat as they pulled me up._

I missed the foot steps and her sitting down, "so you use to be with the team?"

I looked up softly and shook my head, "I'm not one for girl power."

"Not what I asked and not my intent." Davis locked eyes.

"Yes, I started out this team. A few new faces but, I see most the guys here." I looked at my food, "so what do you want?"

"Do I have to want something?"

"To sit here with me instead of your team, a little."

She watched me carefully, her head nodding before she looked down, "I heard what happened."

"Stop right there. I don't need to revisit that anymore then I am already. And if your asking about Sonny, he hates my guts. He's all yours." I sat my fork down, "lost my appetite."

I walked the tray to it's spot then left for air. I knew I had eyes on me and I didn't really care. Let the dusty air burn my lungs, I just needed to feel alive. I stood out in the desert heat, taking deep breaths as little flashes of my brief POW time flashed through my head. My body was numb and head throbbing, I was trying to pull myself back.

_Flashback_

_My eyes blinked to life, finally dry of tears and completely numb. I wasn't sure if I was really alive, or in shock. **SERE was never like this** , I looked down at my legs, blood red coating. I was cloudy headed, barely able to open my eyes as triple vision hit me hard. I ran my hand slowly up my leg and tried to cry as I felt the sticky mess._

  _ **That's your past, it's not now. Your safe. You have backup. Breath.**_ I forced out a shakey breath as a hand clapped my shoulder gently.

"Pull yourself together."

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I was eating with the rest of the team, Trent  talking about something with his ex-wife. Brock had just sat down after sitting a tray down for Cerberus. Everyone was noticing the elephant in the room, Saxon eating alone. Brock approached the subject first.

"Why is Reigns over there eating alone?"

"That's her spot." I took a bite as most the table looked towards me.

"She always sits at the farthest table, end seat. She can see the whole room from there easily." Jason finished. 

"She always sat in that spot, no matter the place." Ray looked over at me and I didn't acknowledge it.

"Should we move over there?" Davis looked up at me as I shook my head.

"I wouldn't. She would've said something if she wanted company." 

"Then I'll go." Davis got up and took her tray over as I shook my head and watch sax leave. 

Davis came back and I got up to put my tray on the stand and followed her out. I stuck the toothpick in my mouth  to chew on softly as I talked to saxon. I only made it a few steps out before I seen her. She was breathing heavy and my first thought was of our first night at home after she got back. The way she almost panted and shoot up in bed, eyes red and breath erratic. I calmed her down, but this time I don't know if I can.

I put my hand on her shoulder, "pull yourself together."

"I'm fine," she straightened up.

"No your not." I watched her look at me, "we need to talk."

"Really? Surprising from you." She huffed, "Jason told you to."

"Doesn't change the fact it's true." I closed my eyes, "do you have panic attacks often?"

"PTSD... Not as fun as everyone makes it out to be." She nodded, "I have it under control, or at least I did before coming back here."

"I get it, I still think about that op. You should've stayed home. We didn't need you on the mission and bringing you along to sit at the base wasn't any hel...." 

"But I didn't just stay on base." She interrupted, "we trusted poorly trained soldiers and they ended up dead and me a hostage."

"I know." I tried to find words when she stepped up to me.

"Do you? Were you held against your will and beaten, raped and miscarr...." She stopped and dropped her head, "how the hell would you know Sonny?"

"Because your not the only one that lost something that day." I took a deep breath as she looked at me, "I lost the baby too. I also lost you and didn't even know it. So before you go trying to shame me for helping remember this, I tried. You? You ran away."

I turned away and spit out the toothpick I had been chewing on. _**Y** ** _ou_ need to talk to her sonny. You can get through to her, she'll be home tomorrow with you. Bullshit jason. **_ I went back to the ramp of the plane, _**hopefully this damn op will be done soon.**_

_Flashback_

_I followed Jason in, ray flanking left and Nate to the right as we came up on Saxon chained in a corner cell. My heart dropped as we both quickly broke her free, her head lifting up and eyes blinking._

_"We got you. Your brothers are here sax." Jace spoke trying to keep her awake._

_"Jayyy...." She reached out and I finally seen her bottom half._

_The blood, her legs were bruised raw around the mess. I couldn't think straight, I could barely breath. Ray quickly tossed a blanket over her as Jason grabbed my head and brought it to his._

_"Listen we need to move. She needs real medical attention. Can you carry her? I need a straight answer." He pulled my face to him so i couldn't see her, "sonny..."_

_"I can do this. I can do this."_

_They helped lift her over my shoulder and we quickly left for the chopper on the roof. The minute I laid her down and her head rested against mine, the blood showing through the blanket... I knew what happened. I didn't need a medic to say the baby was lost. I didn't need a medic to say she wouldn't be the same person. I knew my life was going to change, I knew she would never be the same._

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

I watched sonny walk away and swallowed the lump in my throat.  _ **He's right... He lost just as much. I'm being selfish.... I should've stayed at home. I'm not this person anymore.**_ I pushed down the feelings and went on towards the plane as the rest of the group came out to go that way.  _ **What was it Jay always said? He takes a personal interest in making sure none of his men are distracted going into service... I guess I just distracted sonny, and half the crew as they find out we just fought.**_

 I heard steps getting closer and next thing I know, Jay grabbed my arm. I stopped and turned towards him, ready to take a swing as he held up his hands to show no harm.

"Whoa, it's ok." He dropped his hands, "just seeing if you are ok."

"No, no I'm not." I looked at him, "sonny definitely isn't. I shouldn't be here."

"You know that prison better then anyone else."

"And it was the second worst part of my life." I shook my head, "it caused the worst day of my life. I can't do this Jay. I'm sorry."

He caught my arm, "saxon, I promise you are ok. You will have six guys covering your back the whole time. You're not being left with barely trained civilians, you're not going to be left behind. Not on my watch." 

"Doesn't make a difference, I can't go back in there." I tipped my head back and turned away from him, "I shouldn't of came back."

 "Was it something sonny said?" 

"Yeah, the truth." 

I couldn't keep walking towards the plane, not when I knew sonny was there. He was right, I was to blame. I stood there as Jason came to me once again.

"Listen, I know you two don't deal with feelings well. It's pretty clear. But I also know you didn't mean to leave the way you did." He stood beside me, "I try to do the right thing for my men. You know that. You also need to know Sonny hasn't been the same since... You two need to work things out, for both of you."

"Well he hates my guts. He won't look at me... If I can't get off this op, then I just want to get it done." 

He nodded, "good, cause it's a go. We leave at sundown."

He walked on past towards the plane.  _ **Good, let's get this done so I can go home.**_ I went on, just praying I didn't ruin the whole op.


	4. Rundown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One last meeting to run down the operation.

* * *

_**Jason** _

* * *

Everyone walked back to the plane, gathering around the pallet of supplies. I leaned beside ray and Spencer, everyone of us watching sonny leaning the wall. Everything was Shakey at the moment, you could feel the tension between Sonny and Saxon. This operation was looking less likely by the minute. I watched as Blackburn took his spot and Ellis stepped up beside him.

"This operation is a go." He looked around at everyone, "The brass doesn't like the plan but is willing to give us the go if we can get those kids out."

"As we discussed before, this prison is one of the main transitional prisons for moving valuable targets. It's tight and have only been broken into once on a mission." Ellis paused, "from what we can tell he have twenty on the ground. All armed to the tee and shooting on sight. Our Intel has the kids being held in this strip of cells, again, one is severally Injured. We need to export them as quickly as possible before the men can bring in reinforcements for the Taliban base nearby."

"We are a go at sun down, in and out with three civilians. Going in six strong with a strap, coming out the same way." Blackburn addressed and everyone nodded.

"We have a few hours, make it count." 

They walked away to check on the base command that was slowly coming together. I watched sonny walk off towards the sand by the end of the ramp and decided to touch base with him. He's a good soldier, but his emotions still get the best of him. I caught him by the arm and he turned towards me.

"So your talk didn't go well."

"I knew it wouldn't." He glared, "stop."

 "Sonny..."

"Stop. It won't work." He steps closer to me, "me and sax are through. No chance in hell of us getting back together. I don't need old wounds reopened and definitely not before the op."

"You know she is scared. She can't bring it u..."

"Stop. Jason no." He turned and walked away.

I sighed and looked over my shoulder as ray walks towards me, "Jace, that didn't look good."

"It wasn't." I turned towards him, "sonny and saxon's chat didn't go well."

"You knew it wouldn't."

"No I did not."

"You didn't want to believe it."

"Ok." I sighed, "calm sonny down and I will check with sax."

"Or don't check with her. Let it go." Ray patted my shoulder, "I'll get sonny cooled down and they don't talk to each other unless they have to."

I watched ray walked away and shook my head.  _ **Why are those two so dense?**_

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I walked over to the side of the plane. A deep breath and adjusting of my hat later, I heard footsteps and looked back.

"Sonny, you good?" Ray stopped beside me.

"Yeah."

"Is your head in the game?"

"Yeah," I spit towards the side.

"Jace is done. I got him to stop." I looked at him as he finished, "he's done playing match maker."

"Thanks." I nodded.

"You're sure?"

I nodded and he walked away. The op was first priority, nothing else. I need to block everything out, need to focus... I need to breath. _**The op is always first.**_ I quickly went back to the plane and started to double check my equipment, the sooner we're done... The sooner I go home and drink till I piss myself.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I double checked my bag, looked over the gun. _**My last op, my last chance to show I am a soldier.**_ I listened as Jay gave the orders, strap on his back with Spencer. Sonny and ray watching our backs. With Trent and Brock guarding the exit door. Chopper drop and A fast and dirty style rescue. As everyone finished checking their bags, the sun went down and we were ready to go.  _ **Last chance sax, show them you're a true soldier. Your not weak and your not a prisoner. You got this.**_

I was waiting for the ok to board the chopper as I looked over at the team. Suddenly the tattoo I got for my first birthday I spent with sonny felt a little less true. Not that it felt true after the op that did me in either. I looked to my inner forearm, my sleeve pushed up at the moment so I can see the red and black ink.  _Family don't end with blood_. It stood out proudly on my arm in black ink with red blood splatter around it.  _ **Team is all the family you need.**_ I closed my eyes and tugged the sleeve down,  _ **Its not your team anymore.**_ I couldn't help but remember when I first believed that, when I had a whole team telling me otherwise. When I cleaned out my cage.

**_Flashback_ **

_It was the day after I was officially discharged, I came back to base to clean out my cage while the boys were busy. Hoping to have the time, I started packing everything, leaving the worse for last. Sitting on my trunk, I looked at the photos on my cage. Wedge in the wire, photos of this team and my family._

_The first one was of me and my dad at my swearing in, he always said i was stupid for joining the Navy but he was damn proud of me. I went into seal training, had a small break to make it home for a day and my mom and dad were hugging me for the next photo. **God I look like my mom.**_ I ran my finger over the edge of that one, my mom in her favorite shirt hugging her baby girl that was taller then her. The irony lost on her as to why everyone laughed when she called me that. I moved to the next one of me and sonny drinking at a bar, we called it our first date as we blacked out and couldn't remember what happened. _ **Our best date, never had a better first date in my life.**_ next one was the team, bravo at it's finest sitting in a chopper that just came back from a mission.

_I sat each one in a old shoe box, my green team photo and first op photo being tossed in top. A photo of me and sonny curled up under a blanket watching Red Dawn for the twentieth time. The first communion of Jason's son Michael, the whole squad standing by him and his son. Ray's first kid placed beside Nate's first kid. Party photos from cook outs and Christmas. **My family... My team.**_

_I got down to the last few photos, my dad and sonny meeting for the first time. I still can hear my dad calling me a idiot for dating a fellow seal. The first ultrasound photo where you could barely see the little bean that was growing into a baby.... I fought the urge to rip that one up as I tossed it in. A photo of me and sonny kissing after he proposed, the modest ring standing out perfectly against his cheek and beard._

_I took a deep breath and wiped away a tear, my eyes falling on that ring still on my finger. **You didn't lose them, you just don't run with them. You can't do ops, you're a liability if you try. They are still there, they are still family.... Aren't they?** I wiped a tear as I heard poots on the floor and then felt that familiar arm tugging me back against him._

_"Why didn't you wait for me? I told you I would help clean it out." Sonny kissed my shoulder as he looked at the stack of photo that never made it to be hung up in the cage._

_The two of us dressed up in our dress blues. The photo of him piggy backing me around after a long bon fire at his folks place. The party thrown for us when we moved_ _in together and the whole team brought beer for us and their wives brought a practical gift. Then his hands stopped tossing them in when he found the photo of his parents holding the ultra sound with my parents right behind that photo with theirs. I could see the heart break on his face as he dumped them all in without looking._

_"Your still part of the team."_

_"Am I?" I shook my head, "I'm not a soldier anymore."_

_"You'll always be part of this team." He whispered and looked over, "family don't end with blood right?"_

_"And the team is all the family you need." I finished._

_"See? We are still good. You have me and you don't need anything more." He pulled me to him, a soft kiss to my head, "we'll make it through this."_

_"Yeah." I whispered and closed my tear filled  eyes._

_He didn't speak, just held me to him as the door opened and everyone stopped at the door. My cage was almost empty, everything in the trunk we sat on and the small box of photos. They walked up and didn't say a word but quickly gave me a hug, one by one._

_"Your still part of this team, you'll always be part of this team." Jason pulled my head to his by the back of my neck, "your always a bravo. We are always your brothers."_

_I nodded and they all helped carry out the trunk as I walked out slowly carrying nothing. Nate and ray had the trunk with Jason carrying the spare bag of clothes. Sonny carried the photos and walked beside me as everyone was stopping to watch before quickly moving on. **Once a bravo, always a bravo. This is your team.... Then why doesn't it feel like it?** They packed it all into Sonny's truck and he waited till they left. Turning to me he kissed me one last time before I could get in the truck._

_"You're not lost. You're still alive. You're still one of us."_

_"I know." I sighed._

_"Hey look here." He tugged my face up to see his, "you're still my girl. Best damn shooter I ever seen."_

_I smiled and kissed him again before we both got in the truck. He would drive me home and stay the rest of the day. Anything to make me smile, anything to see the girl he knew before. But what he didn't know was I was already gone._

I was roughly brought back to reality by a gently kick to my boot. The kid was standing in front of me, offering a hand.

"Time to go, come on."

I took his hand and let him pull me up and followed him to the chopper. Sonny and Trent were following us out and I barely caught the look on Sonny's face. It almost looked like anger or jealousy... Or both. But I couldn't dwell on that.  _ **Go out like you went into this, a soldier.**_


	5. The thunder rolls and...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the op.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

The ride in the chopper use to be my least favorite part, a flying coffin delivering us to our possible death. Yet it was also one of the more calming times too. The whole team, heading into possible danger but we could joke and relax while we were on the chopper. I never understood how that could change so easily, the uneasy ride changes by the flick of a switch into team bonding time. This time was no different. It started out as nothing but worry, quickly getting blocked out as I was drawn back to the fact I had back up. Ray tugged my vest, Jason tapping my helmet.

"Hey, what was that song you always sang on the way to a mission?" Jace laughed.

"Yeah, what was it from?" Ray nudged me.

"Jaws." I smirked, "Show me the way to go home. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. I had a little drink about an hour ago, and it’s gone right to my head."

Sonny smirked and joined the rest of this small group, the original four singing the rest, "Wherever I may roam, On land or sea or foam, You can always hear me singing this song. Show me the way to go home."

"One more time everyone." Jace swung his hand around to signify another time.

Everyone joined in, being heard at toc as they sang the song with Blackburn chuckling softly, "Show me the way to go home. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. I had a little drink about an hour ago, and it’s gone right to my head. Wherever I may roam, On land or sea or foam, You can always hear me singing this song. Show me the way to go home."

"Bravo one, this is toc... Your clear for landing. Drinks on me when you get home."

A smile cracked my face, the good times came flooding back. _**The confidence i lost before was flooding back and I was going to complete this mission. My final mission needs to be successful.**_ I seen the building on the horizon, our guns raised as we all prepared for the drop. The plan laid out in our heads, Jason with me and Spencer in the lead, sonny and ray on our six. Trent and Brock will lead in and hold the doors for our exit. Everything was clear, commands given with perfect understanding. 

* * *

_**Jason** _

* * *

The chopper put us on the ground and we immediately started in formation. Brock and Trent take out the guards and hold back at the doors as we breech. Just in the door Spencer stopped and waited for me to tap his shoulder. Sax stayed behind me, flanking only when needed. Ray and sonny covered the rear and kept us clear as we went through. 

I took the first door on the right, shooting down two Taliban and ducking out as we continued down the way. Sax gave word for each turn, moving down each corridor easy with no resistance. No Taliban popping out. A bad feeling pooling in my gut, this was going way to easy. 

Next turn had us by the door leading to the main cell room. I held the door with Spencer on point, he gave the nod and the three of us entered. One of the girls was being held at knife point, a young boy behind them. Guns aimed on the knife holding man and the hostage. I gave the command and Spencer started trying to find a dialect they understood. 

"'iisqat alsakin!" Spencer called, the man unphased prompted a new language, "sauke wuka."

The girl whimpered as I ready a shot, Spencer pushed on, "ju ọbẹ silẹ."

"Come on Spencer." I mumbled.

He tried once more, not even finishing the words as I pulled the trigger before he could slice her open. I advance and took the girls hand.

"We're Americans. See." I point to my vest, "we are here to save you."

She clung to me as we all entered the room. I do a quick mental check of the team before turning to sax.

"Ok, one here. Two to go." She immediately started to point, "which way?"

"Right door. Straight until you see them, all cells." She nodded.

"Ok, ray with me and sonny stay back with Spencer and strap."

"Ok boss." Sonny stood by the door with him, until they breeched and moved on.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I stood by the door for backup, glancing over as Spencer was calming the first hostage. Saxon moved slowly towards the kid, he was jumpy so she went steady and started talking calmingly. 

"Hey there, why don't you drop the knife and we can get you out of here." She kept both hands out, showing she wasn't a threat.

 The kid was shying away, Spencer tried to translate her words. The kid started to lower the knife and the girl had a look of fear. Before I could adjust or warn her, the kid had a knife in Sax's side.

* * *

_**Jason** _

* * *

We made it down to the cell and pulled the two girls out when gun fire rang out. We ducked in and found ourselves in a gun fight with several men at the other side of the hall. Sonny wasn't covering us, _**something went wrong**_. We engaged the enemy, and moved on to clear that hall as gunfire came from behind. The team was split. 

"This is bravo one, all move to exfil. Repeat,  Move to exfil, go go!"


	6. And the lightning strikes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the op.

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

My heart was stuttering, skin paling... I felt the pain spread. I immediately tried to block it, maybe feeling numb would be better. A single gun shot rang out and the kid was on the ground dead. I would've felt sick if it weren't for the fact it came down to him or us, brothers always come first. Spencer was calming the woman that burst out in tears. Sonny was rushing to me as we heard gunfire down the hall. He rolled me on my side and was trying to check the wound as gunfire came from the other door. The comms cracked and jace's voice came through.

"This is bravo one, all move to exfil. Repeat,  Move to exfil, go go!"

Sonny pulled me up and shouldered my weight as we moved down the cell block. Spencer and the girl lead, moving ahead of us and following Jay and ray. The other two girls were moving with them as we rushed towards the door. They forced the door open, everyone pushing through until it came to me and sonny. Fire from behind forced us to drop and take cover. My ankle twisting as a bullet clipped my leg due to my foot catching on the floor. Some of the fire hitting the door blowing the lock. We were screwed, separated from the group. As me and sonny were stuck, falling back into a cell and slamming the door to give us some cover. 

Sonny dropped down to wrap my leg and side up, "Your not suppose to get shot Reigns."

"Wasn't planning for it Quinn." I winced as he tightened the wrap.

He tied it off, "Second way out since we got blocked in."

"Through the metal door where the towel heads were shooting at us." I sighed, "have they made it through yet?"

"They're close," He looked up, "Ok, last shot?" 

He looked up and I seen the worry in his eyes, last shot was never a good plan. It was a term we caught from a fresh meat that referred to a last ditch effort shoot out when your cornered. The only way out was the door the enemy was trying to break down, and the door that was In direct fire. It was suicide to attempt to make it through thanks to heavy gunfire. You can hear them breaking down the door with the glass already shattered. He sat against the wall, pulling me in front of him between his legs. My back to his chest, he held his riffle and gave me the pistol.

"Shoot to kill, move fast.....any last words." He paused.

"I'm sorry for how I left, You deserved better than that." I sighed as I found my grip on the gun, "I just couldn't be the seal wife. I seen first hand what thats like and I would've ended up murdering you back then. Not to mention everytime I seen you come back from a op, I only thought of what we lost and I couldnt take it."

"I wished you stayed." He swallowed, "or at least said goodbye."

"I'm sorry...." my throat closed up and I forced the words out as we heard the door break and boots coming our way, "I love you." 

As the men turned the corner, we took shot. Our only goal was surviving, but I knew between the blood lost and pounding in my head... I wasnt gonna last long. I used all my strength to focus, counting my shots in my head so I knew when to switch clips. I had one extra, for each gun, his drop gun close enough to switch to. I gave sonny my rifle since he had better focus at the moment. We were prepared for the worst, as each guy tried to make it farther then his buddy. A few did, but they all fell down as my vision blurred and shots started to miss. Before I could even try to focus again, I felt the darkness creep in and went limp. 

* * *

  _ **Sonny**_

* * *

 We had a good amount down when saxon passed out and I was on my own. I was pushing and then gun fire came from behind them as the men stopped charging us and were shot down. Thirty men laid dead on the other side of the bars as the guys came through. Jace and Ray pushed the door open and Clay stood back watching. I picked up Sax and carried her to the door as they forced it open. I refused to hand her off, carrying her to the evac copter. I held her tight to me as we started the flight back, her wounds unable to be fixed more till we were back.

Jace sat behind me, speaking over comms, "we have one injury. Bullet and stab wound."

"How long has she been out?" Ray and Trent were trying to apply pressure.

"Just before you guys saved out asses." I kept the grip on her.

Every second felt like hours, the second helicopter had Brock and Spencer with the hostages. I was trying to focus on anything else but her bleeding out in my arms. The op going wrong, the kid I shot, our fight those years ago... Losing the baby. I was trying to think of anything else but it did little, my mind immediately falling back to the moment. As we landed, medics pulled her and I felt two strong hands stopping me from moving with her. 

"You can't go into surgery with her." 

_**I know, but I can't leave her alone...** _


	7. Word unspoken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sax and sonny have their much needed talk.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I watched them take her away, Jason and Ray pulling me back. The whole team was still standing there, my anger doubling from having to let go of her without answers. I turn on my heels and grab Spencer's vest. That was the quickest I ever seen my team pull me away from someone. 

"What the hell were you thinking?!" I reached for him past Ray as he pushed me back.

"Sonny..." Ray tried as Trent pulled me back and Brock pulled the kid farther away from me.

"He missed the threat, the kid could've killed her!" I snapped.

"It was a kid." Spencer muttered, clearly for himself.

"Hey stop it!" Jace pushed me back with ray now, "sonny cool it."

Spence and Brock quickly left towards command. Once they were out of sight, Trent went with them and ray followed behind him only after Jason motioned him to. He gave me a little space, which lead to me punching the wall. That was the cue to step in.

"Sonny, it wasn't the kids fault."

"He stood and watched the kid stab her."

"And you handled it. You shot the kid." He grabbed my head by the hair on the back and turned it to look at him, "she'll be fine. Nothing can take Sax out."

"Sax passed out." I looked at him, "Jason, she passed out from blood loss." I bit my lip, "you know what she said before the shoot out? She apologized and said I love you."

"She'll be fine, she has had worse." He watched me taking a deep breath.

"I know but this is different."

He patted my back, "We are leaving in two hours. They will have her stable and she'll be going with us. Just breath." I nodded as he let go and gave me some space, "You can't be in surgery but you can wait for her to wake up."

 I nodded and gave in, as long as she would be ok. He went to check on Spencer, I left for the medical building. I sat waiting till she was patched up, walking back to her curtain room and sitting by her bed. My eyes just watching her, begging her to wake up so we can finish what we started before the plane ride home. I was just praying she would at least be awake before the flight. I looked over her bed, she was still in the bloody clothes but laying on top of the slightly ripped shirt was a ring. Three bands twisted together, one silver, one gold, one diamond encrusted.  _ **The ring. She kept the ring.**_ I reached out and ran my finger over it.  ** _Why the hell did she keep the ring?_** I let it go and just stared at it against her covered chest.  _ **Did she really regret it?**_ I blinked and got sucked in. 

_Flashback_

_I fell back against the mattress, panting as I tried to laugh. My arms tucked back under my head and the bed sheets barely covering my friend up after his fourth workout tonight. Sax was sprawled out, her head on the pillows and eyes closed. Her chest rising and falling, the only thing on it was the ring on a silver chain. She rolled over and tucked her head against my chest, still trying to catch her breath._

_"Am I that good?" I smirked._

_"You are a god sonny." She chuckled and lifted her head just enough to rest her chin first and look up at me through her lashes, "I love you."_

_"I love you more." I dropped a hand from behind my head to hold her back, tracing a small pattern as it worked down to her ass, "more then you could ever know."_

_"You are amazing sonny... And to think I thought you were just like the others. All testosterone and no balls." She stretched softly and pushed her face back into my chest for a second, "but I was so wrong. You are a really good guy."_

_"That's why there is a ring on a chain around your neck," I tapped it, "and you in my bed."_

_She smiled and kept her head flush to my chest as I laughed, "my dad was wrong about you, you are worth it."_

_I closed my eyes and smiled as I felt small kisses leading up my neck to my lips, the result was a passionate kiss and my hands pulling her to straddle me again as she groaned._

_"I don't know if I can go again." She whispered against my lips, her eyes batting flirtatiously._

_"Then stop kissing me like that." I smirked as she moaned._

"Sonny?" 

My eyes shot open form my trip down memory lane. Her eyes were open, one hand resting on the bandage wrapped around her waist and the other holding the bed rail as she tried to sit up a little. I grabbed the lever on the side and raised it till it barely touched her back, making sure she didn't have her waist bent to rip the stitches.

"I've been called worse." I smiled, "glad your awake."

"Felt better when I was unconscious." She turned her head to look at me, her pillow pushed down for her back more.

"How ya feelin?"

"Like something was stabbed into me and I was bleeding out." She smirked, "why are you here?"

"Jason says we need to talk." I scratch my head lightly with my ball cap, "He might not be wrong this time."

"You want to talk? Sonny Quinn talking feelings?"

"Shut up." I sighed, "You're wearin the ring."

She looked down and nodded, "I couldn't get rid of it, and I couldn't leave it behind."

"Why did you just leave? Why didn't you try?" I watched her shift in bed carefully and give a small wince of pain.

"I did. I really did." She took a shakey breath as I heard the thing I hated most threaten to spring out, "but as I became the military wife and had all that time alone to think about what happened and my empty body... I couldn't keep going. I wanted to, to start over with you and fix everything that went wrong but-but i look at you and I kept seeing the baby I lost.... We lost..." She closed her eyes, "I looked at you and seen a broken man that tried not to take it out on me. I wanted it to work but-but i-i... I knew it wouldn't. I only seen pain."

She watched the way I hid my eyes under the cap. I knew she was fighting tears and if I seen it I don't know if I could fight it or even handle them. As her hand covered mine, I felt that burn and the small drop running down my cheek.

"You would've been an amazing dad."

"Wh..."

"I've seen you with kids Sonny, you're amazing. Then thinking about how I screwed up your chance to prove it..."

I cut her off, "You didn't screw it up. You went on the mission even though the whole team knew you shouldn't. We left you with trained civilians because we thought it was safer them sending you into direct fire... Everyone is at fault."

"But I left." She whispered.

"And I didn't stop you even though I had a feeling you would. I didn't try to find you. I let it be because I didn't want to know why you left." I looked up, "I didn't want to hear you say it was my fault nor your own."

"I left with basically a go bag while you were on a mission. I ran home to Mommy and Daddy." She spat, "You know the worse part? When I got home I had to listen to my dad."

"The 'i told you so' speech." I sat up straighter.

"No. My dad told me i was wrong." She looked at her hand as it slipped off mine, "He told me I was stupid for joining the Navy. Warned against SEAL training. Told me not to date a fellow training SEAL and later on teammate. Then came the engagement being a mistake. Being to young to understand why a baby wasn't a good idea.... But he said the only time he truly meant it and he wasn't completely proud of me and what I became, was when I showed up on their door step and said I left you while you were on a job. He told me I was leaving behind a good man and a chance at a happy life. That for the first time ever I was truly being stupid."

"He called me a good man?" I looked at how she pulled back.

"Damn near the best." She whispered.

I reached over and covered her hand, "maybe we could fix that then?" 

She looked at me and I smiled, leaning in for a kiss as I heard her machine give a soft beep. I tipped my head and smiled as she smashed her lips to mine, our teeth clacking softly as the beep turned to a ding. Her lips were slightly bruised from her biting them when she got nervous during the OP. Her hand reached up and turned my cap around backwards and threaded into my hair as I held her velvety smooth cheek against my warm palm. When the curtain was pulled back, I pushed the final bit and bit her lip gently as I pulled back. The nurse definitely wasn't amused as she hit a button and reset the monitor, apparently the kiss had made Sax's vitals jump up. Her crimson blush was almost to good, the nurse glaring as she left with the curtain wide open to deter us from doing so again.

"That wasn't the best idea." She sighed trying to steady her breath.

"I thought we were doing great workin it out?" I raised a brow.

"No, I meant kissing while I'm hooked up to a machine." She smiled, "I've been wanting to do that since we left the base."

"Good, but if your not hooked up... How am I to know if your faking it?" I winked and her monitor spiked.

Her face couldn't get any redder, and I had my answer.  _ **She really meant it... She did.**_ I took her hand and squeezed it softly before kissing it. She closed her eyes.

"You'd be stupid to forgive me."

"And you were stupid to leave, but you did."

She smiled and nodded, "I'm sorry I did. I'm sorry it took so long to tell you too."

"I'm sorry I didn't try." I kept her hand by my lips, "and I'm sorry to say I've been an ass since they said you'd be the strap."

"Since when do you ever apologize for being you?" She chuckled and opened her eyes to look at me.

"Since I lost you."

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

_**Is he really forgiving me? After everything that happened?** _

"I guess I just needed wounded to hear that." I chuckled and held my side as it tugged.

"I guess so." He leaned in, "Though next time, don't pass out on me. I ain't good with that."

I couldn't help but stare at him, "I'm sorry you had to shot that kid."

He did look down at that, "better me then the kid. I don't think he could stomach it."

I finally had a chance to win sonny back. I could actually go home with him and possibly go back to what we use to have. _**Redo the engagement. Try for a baby. Get married and be happy.... Everything I threw away. Everything I didn't deserve. I didn't deserve any of this.**_  

I leaned back and closed my eyes, holding my side where the stitches were pulling, "I need some rest."

He nodded and stood up, "only a half hour till the plane ride back. See ya then."

I watched sonny leave, my heart beating out of my chest and stomach in my throat. I wanted him to stay, but I didn't deserve it. I deserved to be alone _ **. I made my bed long ago, why shouldn't I be left to lay in it alone**_.


	8. Return to sender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flight home with some words better left unsaid

* * *

**_Saxon_ **

* * *

I was laying in the bed, trying to think clearly. It would only be a few minutes and they would be putting me on the plane to go home. I haven't seen anyone since Sonny, and he was the reason my heart was pounding.  _ **He forgave me... After I just abandoned him and left him completely behind me in the rear view, he forgave me and said he loved me still in so fee words.**_ I bit my lip and closed my eyes,  _ **I don't deserve him.**_ The small medic team took and moved me, my eyes closed most the way. I tried to relax, to fake sleep and hope it would became real. A few voices came into range and I tried hard not to move an inch. But of course, it wouldn't work.

"Hey sax," Jason walked over as they locked the stretcher in place in the plane, "How ya feelin?"

"Like shit." I shrugged and tried to adjust, "I just want to go home and lay in my bed for a year or two."

"You did good on the mission, you know that right. You did what any of us would do." He rested his hand on my shoulder.

"You didn't see it. I let a little kid stab me....." 

"And Sonny took care if it." He finished.

"Exactly, I made sonny shoot a kid." I whispered.

"So you two talked?" He looked me in the eye so I couldn't lie, "you worked it out?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Then why do you look grumpy." 

"I was engaged to sonny, it's not grumpy. It's resting bitch face just like his." I watched him crack a small smile.

"Does sonny have a chance?"

"I don't know."

"Ok," he nodded and started over towards the crew, "Hope to see you around sax."

I looked to one of the medics that was fixing my IV, the first vein busted after half the fluid. It was a mistake, it only made me feel the pain. But maybe in my head, maybe I deserved the pain.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I had just set up my hammock, laughing with the guys about Ray getting pulled back because of his shoulder. A few jokes about me taking his spot. I looked up to see sax was on the plane, so I made my way over.

"Hey." I smiled as she looked over to me.

I seen her wince and remembered just how much she truly hated anything medical. She was always the biggest baby with that stuff. I reached down and took her hand, wrapping mine around it and squeezing till she looked at me.

"Just breath. The pain will go away."

"Not soon enough." She grumbled before biting her lip.

I watched her shoulders shift and eyes squeeze shut,  _ **How can such a strong woman be so scared of a needle?**_ I held in a laugh and when she seen, I knew what was coming.

"What's so funny?"

"You, your kryptonite is a little needle." I smirked.

"Yeah that's why I ditched your little needle." She held back a scream as they adjusted the needle in her arm.

"Got you there sonny." Jason and the guys laughed.

"I like her." Davis smiled as I rolled my eyes.

I let go of her hand, watching as the medic finally walked away. We had mild privacy for a moment, a chance for me to seal this apology once and for all. Just the thought of having her back in my bed and cooking in my kitchen in nothing but one of my shirts was making me feel happy again. I held onto the small railing on the bed.

"So... About the talk we had back there." I paused and she jumped in.

"It was nothing. Mending the bridge doesn't mean a truck can drive over it." She looked down, "it was a mistake."

"Kissing me was a mistake." I was trying to remain calm, my voice only rising a little.

I didn't see the head turn my way, I didn't hear Jason get Ray's attention. I was looking at Sax and trying to figure out what changed in an hour.

"Yeah." She couldn't even look me in the eye, "the way I left... You can't forgive me. There's no way you could. I abandoned you sonny."

"But I said I forgive you. I said we were fine." I scratch my head with my cap, "isn't that my decision?"

"No. I want ruin a great man. You deserve better." She looked up, "I lost out. I don't deserve you and you don't deserve a fool like me. I screw up, and I won't drag you down."

"Isn't part of being a great man knowing what to do."

"No sonny... You're a great man, A good one even. I'm not worth the time." She looked back down, "shouldn't you get some rest."

I turn away and walk over to my hammock, I want able to hide my anger. Jason stopped me but I pushed by, I just wanted to be home and get off the plane.  _ **It isn't your decision, I don't deserve you... What the hell does she mean? She doesn't deserve me, she doesn't want me to settle for her. This is ridiculous. Since when am I settling?**_ I got in the hammock, closing my eyes.

* * *

_**Jason** _

* * *

I waited till sonny was in his hammock before I walked over to sax. She sighed as I approached but never said a word.

"What happened?"

"Stop playing match maker Jace, you suck at it." She grumbled.

"I thought you two worked it out? Sonny said you guys kissed even." I made her look at me, "why did he just walk away like he was about to turn dark side on us."

"It wouldn't work." 

I raised a brow and took a seat by the bed, "why's that? I'm sure sonny wants to try it again."

"It's not Sonny's choice." She looked back down, "it was mine. I made my decision and now I get to lay back and take the fallout from it."

"He said he forgave you..." I scratched my neck, "He wants you back. He might not say it but he does."

"Maybe I don't." She whispered and sighed, "look, just let it go. We get back to base and I'm gone. I'm out of your guys life forever."

"We didn't say we wanted that." I shook my head, "sonny doesn't want that."

"Maybe I want that Jay, maybe I want to be done with everything."

I shook my head again and looked at her one last time, "I think we like to complicate things when it is really quite simple; find what it is that makes you happy and who it is that makes you happy.... and your set. Never let go of them. I promise it'll get better."

I walked back over and leaned on some cargo beside ray. He raised a brow and I shook my head.

"Don't ask."

"Why are you trying so hard to get two people together that obviously don't want to." Ray shook his head, "Jace, we're better off letting it go. And by we, I mean you."

"You think they don't want to be together? You seen them before." I argued, "they were like me and Alana or you and Naima."

"This is more the a simple fight Jace, they want nothing to do with each other." Ray raised his hands, "take the defeat."

"On this battle. I will win the war though." I pointed at him, "you know it's true."

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

I laid back trying to sleep, but my thoughts wouldn't. It was late into the flight, most of the guys were out and half the straps too. But I couldn't sleep, and I tried.  _ **Hello darkness, my old friend. I haven't seen you since I moved back to Virginia. I hear you calling, but my eyelids are heavy and yet I still lay awake. The only thing worse then you are the unspoken words that fill my thoughts. My mind refuses to let me slip into sleep, so here I lay.... Bone-weary.**_ I swallowed hard, hearing a lone sigh behind me. I turn my head and seen one person awake.  _ **Davis... That's what sonny deserves. They would be great together.**_ Before I could process it, I heard footsteps steps and seen her sit down beside my bed. 

"Can't sleep."

"Neither can you." I raised a brow.

"I don't usually sleep on the planes." She nodded, "You?"

"I use too, never got the handle on it after last time." I looked over, "look, I'm sorry about what I said before. I was just frustrated."

"I get it. PTSD and all." She nodded, "I see it enough."

I looked down at my hands and took a deep breath.

"You know Sonny still loves you. That look on his face when you guys were talking at first on here... Even telling the guys about you two in the hospital." She smirked, "he has this look I never seen on him before. It's actually cute and I will deny it if you tell him."

"He deserves better, I left him and ran away." I looked up, "He only thinks he loves me."

"I have known sonny for a long time, he isn't one to doubt his own decisions." 

"Yeah," I looked at her closely, "not as well as you think. Though you probably should. He's a great guy, and a good man."

When I looked away, she took the hint and left. All you wanted was to go asleep. To forget.... But you couldn't. I was a nyctophiliac stuck in eternal day. A pluviophile without rain. The clinomaniac that couldn't find a bed..... A girl in love and unable to say or acknowledge it. I'm an atelophobiac, I could never be good enough for sonny again in my own head.


	9. Drinks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason and the team go behind Sonny's back to talk with sax.

* * *

_**Jason** _

* * *

It has been two weeks since the op. Sonny wasn't acting any better. After a close call on another op, they were nipping it in the bud. It wasn't a surprise when everyone was on board with blitzing her at her job, the five men walking in strong to end this. Partially because sonny isn't himself and partially because they never seen sonny jump to save someone like he did her or care for someone so. He was practically sitting at her feet the whole time she was out of surgery, helping her every step of the way till she said those words. As crazy as it was, they wanted to see them together.

I lead the group in, a bar on the edge of town. It catered to mostly soldiers and veterans, some frog hops. And just as I was told, there was Saxon behind the bar seeing drinks. She was looking better but that wasn't helping me feel better. We sat down at the end of the long bar, since the place wasn't too busy she would be the only bartender on duty. She was walking over without looking up, busy dropping the tip in her tip jar.

"What can I get ya'll?" When she looked up, her smile faded.

"Five beers." I smiled.

She pulled five bottles and started them in front of us, "what are you guys doing here?"

"We're here for sonny." Ray started.

"Which means he doesn't know your here." She corrected.

"We need to talk." Spencer tried.

"Which means it's between me and sonny and we aren't talking about it so you will." She tipped her head, "sonny got the message. I told him what I had to say on the plane."

She was wiping down the bar as Brock spoke, "and you didn't let him say what he had to say. We heard the conversation very clearly."

"Fine, if you want to go there." She turned towards us, "I left him. I packed up very few things and left when he wasn't there. That is more then enough to say I don't deserve him."

"But he wanted you, he didn't care about that." Trent nodded.

"This isn't an easy fix. Me and sonny aren't the fixing kind." She shrugged and handed me a second beer as mine was almost done.

"You never gave it a try." Clay took a sip and she glared.

"First off you wouldn't know and second I did. I was here for two weeks after discharge from the hospital, I couldn't be a SEALs wife. I see Alana and Naima and I couldn't do it, not even half of it..." I shook my head as she finished, "even Molly. I'm not the stay at home wife type. I don't think we even thought through on who would raise the baby."

"No man is broken because bad things happen to him. He’s broken because he doesn’t keep going after those things happen." Ray spoke and looked at his beer, "you had support."

"But it wasn't support that I needed." She sighed, "I'm kinda busy. You know, job and all, so if you don't mind." 

She turned away and I had one last thing to say. It slipped out as she started to get out of ear shot.

"You've become so damaged that when someone gives you what you deserve, you have no idea how to respond." 

She stopped and turned around, "Just leave this between me and sonny. This isn't team related."

"We have been on a few missions and sonny isn't being himself." Ray started.

"He hasn't said it but we know why." Clay adds.

"Sonny is the singing the sound of music happy during a zombie apocalypse type, not the guy that sits back and doesn't contribute." I finished, "it became a team problem when it started to affect his work."

"Fine..." She rolled her eyes and sighed, "Get him here. Tonight."

We all nodded and dropped some cash, "six PM."

"Make it seven." She collected the cash, "and him alone. I don't want your mugs in here if you want us to talk."

I nodded and left with the rest of the guys. My only hope being she let's him speak this time, he always did have a way of winning her over. But she could always soften him up...  _ **Two peas in a pod.**_

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I was about to go out for some food when I seen Jason and Ray pull up. I slowly walked over since they were blocking me in.

"To what do I owe the pleasure." I said dryly.

"We wanted to invite you to drinks tonight. Team only." Jay nodded, "You know the banner?"

"Outside of town, yeah." I leaned on the window, "any certain reason?"

"They have a good selection." He shrugged as ray jumped in, "first round on me."

"Ok. What time?"

"Seven." 

I nod, "ok... Sounds good." 

They talked a few minutes before pulling out. It felt off to me but, a free drink sounded good.  _ **Maybe a few drinks to forget Saxon... It couldn't hurt.**_

* * *

As seven came around, I walked into the bar and stopped when I didn't see anyone. Before I could leave, I seen Saxon on stage with a guitar and a mic stand. I knew the song she was singing, one of her favorites.

_I'm just trying to be a father_  
_Raise a daughter and a son_  
_Be a lover to their mother_  
_Everything to everyone_  
_Up and at 'em bright and early_  
_I'm all business in my suit_  
_Yeah, I'm dressed up for success_  
_From my head down to my boots_  
_I don't do it for the money_  
_There's bills that I can't pay_  
_I don't do it for the glory_  
_I just do it anyway_  
_Providing for our future's my responsibility_  
_Yeah, I'm real good under pressure_  
_Being all that I can be_

 I smiled, sax always did like to play and sing. The only strange part that she was doing it for a crowd. The bar was fairly packed so I stood by the door and watched her, smiling as I barely remember the last time she sang for me.

_yeah, an American soldier, an American_  
_Beside my brothers and my sisters_  
_I will proudly take a stand_  
_When liberty's in jeopardy_  
_I will always do what's right_  
_I'm out here on the front lines_  
_so sleep in peace tonight_  
_American soldier, I'm an American_

She finished the song and pulled the guitar off, the crowd cheering as she waved, "have a good night y'all, don't forget to tip."

She exited the stage and sat the guitar down before looking over at me. I waited as she walked over, her dark blonde hair braided over her shoulder as she came my way slowly. She stopped in front of me and sighed.

"I'm guessing they didn't tell you?"

"They set us up again?" I scuffed, "they really have trouble letting stuff go."

"But this time I agreed to it. I just figured he would've told you." She shook her head, "want a beer?"

I nodded and followed her over to the bar, "you sure you can talk? Not on the clock." 

"Yeah, I can also get us free beer." She smirked as a girl brought over two beers.

"You could lose your job."

She chuckled at that, "I doubt it."

"The only lounge singer is Virginia Beach now?" I shook my head as she shook hers.

"No. Singer, bartender, part owner." She waited till I looked at her, "old buddy I did two tours with, we got to chatting on Facebook and told me his bar was failing. I offered to buy in, turn it around. A year later, here I am."

"You've been in town a year?" I looked more surprised then when she said she owned the place.

"No, a few months. I helped with the books and ordering from a distance then got my shit together and moved to take the project head on." She took a sip, "that's how they found me so easy to play strap. Relive the glory days."

"Sorry I'm still hung up on you owning a bar." I laughed, "this shit hole."

"Excuse me?" She punched my shoulder lightly.

"I mean place. I haven't been here in four five years. This place was horrible." 

"And I'm fixing it, finally making profit for the first time in six years." She smiled, "it's coming along."

"That it is. I see people in here." 

"Yeah, we have regulars and good paying customers." She nods, "but that's not why they wanted us to talk."

I shook my head, "Everytime we talk it ends badly or it ends good and gets turned around within an hour." 

"Maybe this will be our lucky turn around." She smiled, "I'm sorry about the plane. It wasn't the greatest moment to do that."

"But you meant it." I sighed, "you really don't think you deserve me."

"No. I don't." 

"What if I want you? What if I don't care if I deserve better then you?" I sipped the beer and she shook her head.

"Unlike on the plane, I won't say it doesn't matter." She looked me in the eye, "it would be stupid though."

"When have I ever been smart." I smiled as we both chuckled.

For the first time in years, I seen her care free smile. The one that makes her eyes twinkle and causes her to wiggle her nose. The wishy-washy smile that takes her face as she trys to hide her want to snort. I took the chance to glance over her, jeans and a plaid shirt with a plain white one underneath. She had on a pair of cowboy boots, her cow print ball cap turned backwards. 

"You were pretty smart, just not on everything." She sighed finally getting the laugh out of her system.

"That's why I had you. Brains and beauty... Even brawns because you could kick my ass easily." 

"But you spanked mine." She winked, "you had your good points."

* * *

_**Saxon** _

* * *

"Still do darlin." He chuckled softly, "I'm not out of practice either. Probably learned a few new tricks."

"The best way to say I moved on and slept  with others without being open about it." I shook my head, "shouldn't of expected less."

"Might have been a few years but I'm not completely different." He shifted to his left so he could see me better, "so do you think we have a chance?"

I closed my eyes,  _ **do I say it or do I just show him... Or both.**_ Taking the chance, I leaned in and stole his lips. Head tipped slightly to gain better access. And it was just like before, the flutter in my heart and lightheaded feeling as his tongue glided across my teeth asking to deepen it further. It wasn't until I needed air did I pull back and slowly opened my eyes.

"Ok." I tried to catch my breath.

"Ok we can try or ok this won't work?" He asked as with a chuckled.

"One last try, i promise to actually try too, even if I'm not sure this'll work." I leaned in, "I hate to be so forward but, I'm off the clock, the bar doesn't need me right now..."

"Want to have a private party?" He smirked and stood up as he knocked back the rest of the beer.

"I was just going to say quieter place but, that works." I stood up and grabbed my jacket as I nodded at the bartender to say I was leaving.

I followed sonny out to his truck, I didn't drive to work deciding to run it instead to clear my head. He opened the door for me and helped me up, mainly a chance to grab my ass. He drove me to his house, walking me in and taking my coat. That's when it happened, a strong kiss where he pulled me off my feet and made my stomach turn. I felt air light, my forehead pressed to his as my shirt was pulled off then the other was peeled off. His face resting against my chest as he sat down on the bed dropping me on his lap.The rest went so quick, clothes flying, skin pressing, lips kissing... Hands gripping tight. It was everything I had been hoping it would be, just like it use to be. And as we both laid panting mildly covered, I couldn't help but smile.

"Am I still a god?" He raised a brow and looked at me.

I rolled over and tucked against his chest, "most definitely."

We both chuckled as I kissed his chest, his hands weaving into my hair. I closed my eyes and waited, just breathing deeply to mellow out. 

"Saxon, let me set things straight. This is the only warning I'll give." He locked eyes with me, "If I love you, I won't give up easily. Leaving is my last option, but if you push me away I will walk away knowing I gave it my all."

"Do you?" I asked and looked at him.

"Do I what?"

"Love me... I mean still." I watched him carefully for any sign of lying, hesitation, anything.

"Yes." He smiled, "I don't think I ever stopped."

After another heart stopping kiss, I was ready to try again.  _ **One more try, I want us to work sonny... I want us to be happy.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That is the end of this story but if you want me to continue it as a series comment below!


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